16 Life Lessons from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

11. The human body is a strange thing.

Just ask the American Supreme Court, which just recently ruled that isolated strands of DNA cannot be patented. Over the past century, mankind has found cures (or preventatives) for previously fatal diseases such as measles, yellow fever, and polio. However, the common cold still outwits medicine every day of the week, and other medical ailments exist that you may not even be aware of. Limbs can be severed with one blow, so be careful the next time you fist-bump a buddy. At one point, people lived in fear of being turned into newts, albeit temporarily. For any witches out there, watch yourselves around open flames: you happen to be made of wood. Biology is amazing, isn’t it?

10. People don’t always live up to their reputations.

Actors aren’t the characters they play; if they were, Nicolas Cage would have more respect. Politicians that should know better still mess up – and get caught. Just ask the NSA. Seriously, ask them. They probably know more government secrets than the government does. Places often disappoint as well. Prime example: Wisconsin Dells. Likewise, Brave Sir Robin is a coward; Galahad the Chaste is Galahad the Chased; and Camelot – that wonderful kingdom of honor and chivalry – is really a rather silly place. It also happens to be a cardboard model. But enough bubble-bursting, who’s up for a trip to Disney World?

9. Eat healthy.

Remember the “Got Milk?” campaign? Of course you do. You know milk “does a body good.” You also know spinach should be relabeled “instant muscles;” Popeye wouldn’t lie to you, would he? I bet it won’t be too long before Disney Princesses start giving PSAs about eating your vegetables. As a guy, I don’t relate to princesses. As the token 99 lb. weakling, I don’t relate to Popeye. But when I was a boy I wanted to be a knight. Or an archaeologist. Or an archaeologist knight. Something realistic. Therefore, I follow the Round Table Diet of ham, jam, and Spam. If it worked for them, it can work for me, too.

8. Measure twice, cut once.

Even if you’re not a carpenter, follow this advice. Double check everything: signed the check, pay the bill on time, bring the list with you, get a receipt for your Facebook phone, and hide inside your Trojan Rabbit before delivery.  It will save embarrassment (and a restocking fee) later on.

7. Assess every situation.

Not every situation calls for the same response. Sometimes retreat is the only option (especially when faced with a three-headed troll). There are times when a frontal assault actually works. When facing your arch-nemesis, don’t spend time pontificating; the police may arrive at any minute and put an end to your shenanigans.

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