16 Life Lessons from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

6. Be smart around the house.

There are several ways to save money at home. Recycle. Eat leftovers. Only wash clothing when it really needs it. Turn off your porch light; in addition to saving electricity, it won’t attract bugs, Grail-seekers, Jehovah’s Witnesses, or other unexpected guests. When landscaping, check references carefully; it’s difficult to find a reliable shrubbery contractor.

5. Bring the right equipment.

My daddy always said “Don’t bring a knife to a gun fight.” OK, he never said that; what he really said was “Rub some dirt in it; you’ll be fine!” But you get the idea. Pay no heed to infomercials, there’s no such thing as a universal tool. (The verdict is still out on David Hasselhoff.) Follow the Boy Scouts’ example: be prepared. Tim the Enchanter understood this and bought a flamethrower. No matter how hard you try, you can’t cut down a tree with a herring. For extremely tough problems, try dynamite. You’d be surprised how many difficulties can be removed with a well-placed Holy Hand Grenade. (Just remember to consult the Book of Armaments before use.)

4. Plan ahead.

Put some money aside for a rainy day. Save a book for the beach. Make a list and check it twice (especially when going on vacation). Make a budget; you don’t want to run out of money before you run out of film. And always have enough minstrels in case you’re forced to eat some.

3. Math is important.

Despite what you think in the middle of Algebra class, the day will come when you use math. You really don’t want to lose track of your kids. Perhaps a client needs a garden or that organic sample displays a unique half-life. Maybe you’ll need to count the number of chicken nuggets in a Kid’s Meal. Learn it now: math is necessary. When dealing with grenades, count to three and three only (no more and no less). Your fingers thank you in advance.

2. Sometimes, life throws you a curve.

People used to say “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Others said “Expect the unexpected,” because no one expects the Spanish Inquisition (not Holy Grail, I know). Count on the tire being flat, the light being red, the flight being delayed, and a surprise attack by the Black Beast of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh. Nevertheless, sometimes the Deus ex Machina works in your favor: the light is green; the flight is early, the cop gives you a warning, or the animator drops dead of a heart attack. But most of the time, your screwed; the police will always show up just when you find the Grail.

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