You Can’t Name a Pig Napoleon

As I was grading research papers for my Geography class, I noticed a recurring theme: other countries have some strange laws (strange to Americans, that is). And so, for your reading pleasure, I present to you unique laws from around the world, courtesy of my ninth grade Geography class and researched for authenticity by me.

France

You can’t name a pig Napoleon. Technically this isn’t true. The law in question seems to state that it is illegal to insult the Head of State. As my French is non-existent, I’ve had to rely on that most inaccurate of sources, Wikipedia, as well as the forum section of Snopes. According to some sources, the law is not regularly enforced, with recent French presidents not using it at all. So, feel free to name your pig Napoleon, so long as he hasn’t risen from the dead and reclaimed the defunct throne of France.

My name is Napoleon. I've just declared myself Emperor and declared war on all of Europe. See what happens when you let standards slip?
My name is Napoleon.
I’ve just declared myself Emperor.
I’ve also declared war on all of Europe.
See what happens when you let standards slip?

You can’t take pictures of police (or police vehicles). This law may or may not be accurate. Privacy laws in France are in flux; what is considered public and what is considered private is unclear. From what I have been able to gather, anyone included in a photograph has the right to give or deny permission for the photograph to be taken – this includes anyone in the frame, not just those at the focus. Generally, the French police force has frowned upon photographs including police personnel; therefore, if anyone seeks to press charges, the outcome will ultimately depend on the particular judge holding court.

Just posting this picture probably put me on some sort of watch list…

Germany

A pillow can be considered an passive weapon. I could not find any verification for this law, only other lists of “stupid laws” without any sources. That said, I don’t see how the law would make sense: a passive weapon is one used to defend oneself from another – usually more violent – weapon. Pillows can’t really protect you from anything except other pillows and bogeymen.

Soon to be reclassified as an assault weapon and banned in 16 countries.
Soon to be reclassified as an assault weapon banned in 16 countries.

It’s illegal to tune a piano at midnight. Again, I could not find verification for this law. However, this law makes sense for two reasons. First, tuning a piano at midnight would most likely break several noise ordinances. Second, it keeps piano tuners out of your house at midnight. Need I say more?

Piano tuners are like gremlins: let them tune after midnight and they become homicidal...
Piano tuners are like gremlins: let them tune after midnight and they become homicidal…

Egypt and Australia

It’s illegal not to vote.

In Australia, it would be more accurate to say that it is illegal to not cast a ballot. Australians who are eligible to vote must go to a voting station, receive a ballot, and then cast it. Failure to do so may result in fines up to $50 (Australian) plus court costs. However, given the secrecy of the Australian Ballot, there is no sure way to guarantee that the voter actually voted for someone.

In Egypt, the law is generally unenforced, and members of the military and police force cannot vote.

Vote…or else!

Greece

It’s illegal to wear stilettos. This law is upheld only in certain parts of Greece, namely a key archaeological and historic sites. In addition, the law applies to all forms of high heels, not just stilettos. The reason for the ban? The pressure exerted downwards by the wearer can cause damage to the “skin” of the ancient Greek masonry. When all the tourists to Greece are taken into account, this law makes pretty good sense.

guns...knives...explosives...STILETTOS!! CODE RED! CODE RED!
guns…knives…explosives…STILETTOS!!
CODE RED! CODE RED!

Thailand

You must wear underwear. Not just a good idea, it’s the law! This law appears to be related to Thailand’s main religion, Buddhism. Buddhists hold that the lower body is an area of loathsomeness or revulsion. Therefore, it is necessary to cover one’s nether regions to avoid contaminating holy sites and other people (in more ways than one!).

Don't step on the money, either - it hold the sacred image of their emperor.
Don’t step on the money, either – it holds the sacred image of the Thai emperor.

Fahrenheit 1984

“How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?”

Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

“The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better.”

George Orwell, 1984

Like many Americans, I was greatly affected by the events in Massachusetts over the last several days. As an avid runner, I was appalled that America’s greatest marathon was subjected to such atrocities. My heart continues to ache for those who lost loved ones, those who were injured, and those who may never run again. I was angry that American soil had once again been attacked, this time by terrorists too cowardly to die with their own bombs. However, I was equally troubled with what happened after the bombs went off. First, the media was all over this from the start. Now, there are those who argue that the intense media coverage isolated the attackers and shortened the manhunt. However, I contend that the media played a negative roll in the events of the last few days. Consider the false reports issued by major news outliet in the first few hours after the initial attacks: the New York Post reported that 12 people were initially killed in the blast and that a Saudi national had been arrested; the AP reported that cellular coverage in the Boston area had been disrupted to prevent further remote detonations; several sources – including the Times – reported multiple undetonated devices at “undisclosed” locations and the JFK Library; and, in what is in my opinion the most egregious error of the whole mess, BuzzFeed incorrectly identified one of the bombers as Sunil Tripathi (I can only imagine the grief experienced by his family). In short, most media outlets are guilty of fearmongering and adding to the public distress; they have done nothing short of shouting “FIRE!” in a crowded theatre.

In addition, several media outlets known for their left-leaning ideology incorrectly surmised that the bomber would belong to a right-wing extremist group. MNBC’s Chris Matthews said point-blank that “domestic terrorists…tend to be on the far right,” and the same station’s Lawrence O’Donnell claimed that the National Rifle Association was aiding the as-yet unknown terrorist in his escape. On salon.com, David Sirota hoped that “the Boston Marathon bomber is a white American.” Left-wing extremist Michael Moore claimed that the Tea Party was behind the attacks, while countless other celebrities said that events in Boston meant that the Second Amendment “must go” (as if guns had something to do with placing shrapnel in a pressure cooker and turning into a homemade bomb; I don’t see anyone clamoring to outlaw backpacks, pressure cookers, or cell phones). At least CNN tired to couch their allegations in the form of a question: “Right Wing Extremists To Blame For Explosions?” So far, I am unaware of any of these networks or individuals apologizing for their vile and hate-fueled remarks.

Second, I was disturbed by the actions and reactions of both the government officials in charge of the investigation and the Bostonians affected by those actions. In particular, my distress comes from the decision to declare martial law. Not even in New York City in the wake of 9/11 was martial law declared. Imagine: an unknown killer is on the loose and the response of the authorities is to confine people in their homes, thereby making them sitting targets, and to limit their abilities to defend themselves. I wonder, did anyone in the area affected by the lockdown feel safer knowing the average civilian was limited to a ten-round magazine? If it were me, I’d want to be sure I could blow this terrorist to kingdom come.

However, I was even more shocked by the response of the Bostonians living under lockdown: they accepted it. These Americans willingly sacrificed freedom and personal liberty for peace and security. I would remind my readers of the words of Benjamin Franklin: “Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” Not only did the Bostonians accept it, but the media put a positive spin on it: they successfully convinced the American population that this was a necessary action to achieve a desired end and the willful surrender of constitutional rights was the patriotic and noble thing to do.

Some readers will think me a right-wing lunatic or a conspiracy theorist while in reality I am neither. (My political opinions and voting record will show that I am simply a right-leaning independent who has voted for candidates of varying parties and platforms.) However, I find something in the whole affair that smacks of George Orwell and Ray Bradbury. We saw the news outlets acting as Big Brother monitoring the isolated areas of Boston and broadcasting their general ignorance to the “parlor walls” of the American populace. Americans waited with anticipation next to their televisions, radios, and computers as the search zone was narrowed, reports were issued, and then – finally – Dzhokhar Tsarnaev was captured.

How soon before we experience the final pages of Fahrenheit 451? How soon before someone commits an act of terrorism, the government issues a lockdown, and – with a desire to keep the peace and quickly calm the fears of America – finds a scapegoat to blame the attacks on (it goes without saying that said scapegoat would be killed “evading authorities”). Remember, this exactly what the government does in Bradbury’s dystopia when it is unable to apprehend Guy Montag.

I applaud the law enforcement personnel for their service. My heartfelt condolences go out to those whose loved ones were killed or injured. Nevertheless, I must remind Americans that Orwell and Bradbury were right: Big Brother is always watching, and the Hound never sleeps.

Thoughts on Boston

My first thought went out to the runners. As a marathoner myself, I understand the pure joy of simply being in a race, but this wasn’t just any other weekend marathon; this was Boston. In my opinion, the Boston Marathon is the premier long-distance race in the United States. I know everyone has that one race where they set their PR or that one vacation getaway that they go to every year. Nevertheless, there’s a reason why all races are compared to Boston: they’re either Boston Qualifiers or they’re not. I can only imagine the thrill of actually qualifying for Boston, let alone running it. These runners had trained long and hard to participate, and now many of them lay injured on the ground, some perhaps unable to ever run again.

My second thought was about the time. When I heard that the bombs exploded about 3 hours after the winners crossed the finish line, I realized “that would have been me!“. My average pace for a marathon is a little over 5 hours, so assuming that the winners would have crossed the finish line between 02:30 and 03:00, then one of those runners injured could very well have been me. And then as I thought more about the time, I realized that whoever planted this bomb had thought things through. After roughly five hours the finish line would be somewhat crowded with finishers, families, and cheer squads encouraging the somewhat slower racers. This terrorist understood how races work and used it to his advantage. The thought sickened me.

My next thought went out to the emergency personnel. It was here that America demonstrated that heroes still exist. Too often we think that heroes have some supernatural ability or multimillion-dollar tactical armor. They wear capes and disguises and live lives apart from the rest of us. And yet, as the bombs exploded and the innocent were injured and the cameras of the major news networks spread the news to every corner of the globe, we saw the true definition of heroism. A hero is simply someone who runs toward danger instead of away from it.

I’m sure that in the weeks to come more information will come to light. Perhaps other targets will be uncovered, suspects may be taken into custody, and motives become clear. But until then, the thoughts and prayers of a nation are with the people of Boston and the victims of this tragic day.

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