Author: Jay the Ent-Larch

nonbinary they/them mystical forest cryptid & merwrangler with Orange Cat Energy INGREDIENTS: coffee, books, music, podcasts, NPR, cats, movies, the Oxford comma, and comfort shows - - - WARNING: may contain nuts

Morning Routine

RunningBusinessmanWhy is it always like this? I leave the house early and end up being late. All I want is my coffee – two cream two sugar – and blueberry donut. The guy ahead of me must be an utter moron. Seriously, how long does it take to place an order? Who goes to a donut shop not knowing what they want. Seriously, it’s coffee and donuts. That’s it. Nothing complicated. Just hurry it up already, not all of us have all day.

???????????????????????????????I’m running on empty here. Night shift at the hospital ER takes its toll. I just need something to make it home. Black coffee should do it. Don’t forget something for the wife; she’ll be leaving for work soon. I wish we could spend more time together. At least we have some time together. I know some families won’t have that any more. Not after last night. Now which one does she like again? The regular with chocolate glaze or the chocolate with regular glaze? I know she’ll eat whatever, but I’d like it to be right. She sacrifices so much. Where is my wallet? Don’t tell me I left it in my locker again.

???????????????????????????????It’s 7:15. I’ve been at work since 4:00. Three hours, fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes to break. Then four and a half hours to end of shift. Don’t forget to pay the electric on the way home. Sleep til 4 and then evening shift at the diner. Home by 10:00. Is this my weekend for Jared or not? One more day to the weekend. I actually have all of Sunday off. I haven’t been to church in ages. I should go. If I’m not sleeping. Oh look: another customer. Whatever pays the bills.

This post is being published as part of Writing 101. Challenge 9: Write a scene from three different points of view.

Batteries Not Included

Of life’s many decisions, this was one of the most trivial. It was also one of the most divisive.

CountOfMonteCristoCover“Do they have any cheaper than this? I can’t see spending this much money if I’m not sure I’ll like it.”

“Let me check.”

[A FEW MINUTES LATER]

“Yeah, they range from $7 to $15.”

“Well, while you were gone I found the same thing for 99¢.”

Great, here we go again: Book v Nook. I could tell you right now how this conversation will go:

NookDontPanic
I just realized the Guide was an ebook. Crap.

“You know I don’t like ebooks.”

“But it’s cheaper.”

“Maybe, but how much did we have to spend on that thing in the first place?”

“That’s irrelevant. It’s what I wanted for my birthday. You don’t have to use it if you don’t want to.”

“But then I won’t be able to read it.”

“Well then, that’s your fault. I don’t see what you have against my Nook anyway.”

“Hey now, I gave it a shot. Do you have any idea how hard it was to read Ulysses without marking pages or taking notes? It was the most miserable reading experience of my life.”

Ulysses Cover
Don’t read this as an ebook. Just don’t.

“Well I like it. I can read in bed without holding a heavy book over my head.”

“Books don’t lose charge.”

“I can hold an entire library.”

“My books are books. You’re just holding a screen.”

“My books are cheaper.”

LeatherBooks“Which mean mine have value. Ever hear of leather-bound?”

“And how many of those have you read more than once?”

“ALL of them!”

“More than twice?”

“Most of them…”

“Your books take up so much space we could build a whole other house out of them.”

“You mean a house with built-in bookshelves?”

“No, that’s not what I meant and you know it!”

“Look let’s not argue. It’s not worth it.”

“Yeah, you’re right. So which one do you think is best?”

“Well, this one has decent cover art.”

Let’s skip all this, shall we?

“Well, this one’s $9, the typeface is alright, and the cover art is decent.”

“Looks good to me. Do you want another candle for the living room?”

PaddywaxPoeCandle
Why, yes. Yes I do.
A Note

This is a work of semi-fiction. The conversation here is an amalgam of previous conversations between my wife and me. It is posted here with her knowledge. FWIW: She laughed.

This post is being published as part of Writing 101. Challenge 7: Write a post based on the contrast between two things — whether people, objects, emotions, places, or something else. Write your post in the form of a dialogue. 

A Most Interesting Man (June 2014)

A Most Interesting ManIn general, I don’t meet new people. The reason is simple: I am not a social person. I guess it makes sense that I met my newest friend in our local bookstore.

We were both in the science section: I for something new; he for the math. Don’t get me wrong; I love math to a point. I actually enjoy algebra. I even like tolerate geometry. I despise calculus with every fiber of my being. I suppose my hatred stems from high school, where I literally had to teach myself calculus (yes, for a grade, and yes, it hurt my GPA). He, on the other hand, is a math fiend who loves adores worships calculus. Not the basics for a friendship, but we both speak German, so there’s that.

He’s probably not the type with whom most people strike up a conversation: small, shortsighted, large nose, slightly misshapen – stereotypical nerd. Continuing the stereotype, he’s done relatively well for himself.

A published author, he’s had the opportunity to debate argue with meet some of the biggest names in the scientific world. (Unlike him, I won’t name drop. After all, I didn’t meet them). Knowledgeable in biology, ethics, geology, history, law, linguistics, medicine, philology, philosophy, physics, politics, probability theory, psychology, technology, and theology, one might accurately call him a Renaissance Man.

Despite his obvious intellect, his character leaves something to be desired. On occasion he’ll complain about money, but it’s obvious he’s well off. At least, he’s better off than most. He tends to be ruthless, but claims it’s the nature of his field. I know for a fact that he has altered some of his work ex post facto, which has (naturally) placed him in poor standing with his peers.

His biggest flaw is his temper, at times appearing to revel in argument. He continues to hold a grudge against a colleague who accused him of stealing work, despite vindication from the scientific and academic community. He also has a tendency to take an argument reductio ad absurdum and will continue to argue his point even while cognizant of the illogical, irrational and sometime contradictory nature of his claims.

Despite these flaws, they appear to extend only to his professional life; in person, many find him well-mannered and charming, possessed of wit, humor, and imagination. Without exaggeration, he’s the life of the party (just don’t start an argument with him).

If you’d like to meet him, I can introduce you: his name is Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz, whom I first met in The Clockwork Universe. I trust you find him just as interesting.

Gottfried_Leibniz
Sorry, Sheldon, I’m a Leibniz man.

This post is being published as part of Writing 101. Challenge 6: Who’s the most interesting person (or people) you’ve met this year? Turn your post into a character study.

Undelivered Mail

ReturnToSender

In the gutter, an envelope, sodden.

In the envelope, a confession, concealed:

I’m sorry

The author, pained for some evil:

superbia, avaritia, luxuria, invidia, gula, ira, acedia.*

The finder, empathetic:

Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.

The address, desolate:

a cemetery.

Kyrie eleison.**

Translations

*The seven deadly sins: pride, avarice, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.

**Lord, have mercy

A Note from the Author

This is my first work of fiction of any length. It was inspired by the following prompt from Writing 101:

You stumble upon a random letter on the path. You read it. It affects you deeply, and you wish it could be returned to the person to which it’s addressed. Write a story about this encounter.

Today’s twist: Approach this post in as few words as possible.

Thoughts, comments, and especially constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.

Things in Glass Cases (Part 1): Radio

icon-157353_640

“Certain things, they should stay the way they are. You ought to be able to stick them in one of those big glass cases and just leave them alone.”

– J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

I suppose it’s human nature to resist change. We find habits and routines comforting, even if our custom is to never plan anything. I am one of those people who need to plan spontaneity. So I really don’t like it when schedules change, even if others consider them no big deal.

That said, I’ve become increasingly upset with NPR over the last year.

npr
We have a love-hate relationship.
NealConan
My Original Inspiration

It started last summer when they cancelled Talk of the Nation. Although I only caught the last half of the show due to my work schedule, it was a comforting way to wind down the day before my daily run. In fact, I would credit Talk of the Nation with the creation of this very blog since many of the ideas Neal Conan discussed became the things I thought about while running. It was Talk of the Nation’s coverage of the Boston Marathon Bombings that inspired my very first post. I don’t pretend to know all the reasons for cancelling the program, but NPR’s official stance was that there were too many call-in shows already in production. However, I personally suspect that budget concerns played a major role as well. While many of the topics debated were divisive (as they were designed to be) I found the majority of the program to be well balanced. With the notable exception, of course, of the time I called in response to their appeal for educated, conservative Christians and was told that my views didn’t fit with their program. I still wonder if I intimidated them. On top of the atrocity of cancelling my then-favorite news show, the executives at NPR had the gall to replace it with Here and Now, a fine production in its own way, but definitely lacking in the comfort and intellectual stimulus I found in Talk of the Nation.

At least they kept Science Friday (for now).

I’d just about recovered from losing Talk of the Nation when I heard that Carl Kassel was retiring from Wait Wait . . . Don’t Tell Me!. I realize that this isn’t NPR’s fault per se; after all, the man has been involved in radio for over sixty years. But, much like your first Doctor (David Tennant), you never forget your first show presenter. Although other men have filled the roles, I can’t imagine Wheel of Fortune without Pat Sajak, Jeopardy! without Alex Trebek, or Mystery Science Theater 3000 without Michael J. Nelson (sorry, Joel, but Michael was better. Also, CROOOOOW!) Even though Mr. Kassel’s departure hasn’t ended Wait Wait, I feel as if it isn’t the same. Who’s Carl This Time? is no more.

If Peter Sagal ever leaves WWDTM, I think I’ll have an existential crisis. If Garrison Keillor ever retires from Prairie Home Companion, I know I will.

Sagal and Keillor
You guys keep me sane!

MyPodcastsJune2014

If there’s a silver lining to this, it’s that in my search to fill the void I’ve discovered new podcasts on iTunes. Stuff You Should Know is great, but almost killed me with their April Fool’s Day episode when they announced one of the hosts (Josh? Chuck? I think it was Chuck) had left unexpectedly and wouldn’t be returning. Through them, I also found Stuff You Missed In History Class (most of which I didn’t miss, thanks to several wonderful history teachers and professors). I also discovered another NPR game show, Ask Me Another, which has helped me tremendously when it comes to Buffalo Wild Wings Team Trivia night.

 

 

Despite these positive replacements, I still don’t like change, unless it means Paula Poundstone wins on Wait Wait.

PaulaWaitWait
#Winning!

This post is being published as part of Writing 101. Challenge 4: Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more. Make today’s post the first in a three-post series.

 

Three Selections from My Life in Music

music_by_melintelinas-d3aall1
“Music” by Melintelinas via DeviantArt

I often find it difficult to explain why I value certain pieces of music. Rarely will the same pieces move others in the same way they move me, yet that does not diminish their importance. Rather, in a way, I find I develop a unique relationship with the piece, a kind of camaraderie only it and I share. Take, for example, the following compositions:

MOLDAU1
Courtesy WikiMedia Commons

First, “The Moldau”, composed by Bedřich Smetana, is considered by many to be one of the best examples of the symphonic poem. I first encountered this masterpiece during senior year of college while taking Art Appreciation to fill out my electives. Although I had enjoyed classical music since the seventh grade, I consider “The Moldau” to be the first classical piece I ever truly appreciated. I can’t say exactly what moved me that night in my dorm room as I snacked on black coffee and tortilla chips, listening to a selection of CDs rented from the music library to fulfill my outside listening requirement. I remember experiencing a sense of place, (as wine aficionados might say, terrior) and feeling the movement of the river. Even today, “The Moldau” generally moves me to tears, and I haven’t even been to the Czech Republic.

burning leavesSecond is Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” The obvious connection is that I’m a social studies teacher, and the song does an excellent job at conveying major events over thirty years of world history. It was also the first rock/pop song I can recall learning. However, there’s a much more personal importance to the song. It’s one of the few things that brought my sister and me together. As most siblings do, we disagreed on almost everything throughout most of my childhood (she’s eight years older than I am). However, there are two songs I remember us singing to: Garth Brooks’ “Ireland” and Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” In fact, my sister is the one who introduced me to the song and helped me learn the lyrics. She and I and her then boyfriend listened to it over and over and over again one summer at the Wayne County Fair. It’s one of my fondest memories.

jurassic_park_logo_by_camusaltamirano-d6azrtd
“Jurassic Park Logo” by Camusaltamirano via DeviantArt

Finally, there’s “Theme from Jurassic Park” composed by John Williams. Jurassic Park was the first movie I was ever allowed to stay up late and watch on TV. I loved it. I still consider it tied for first on my all-time favorite movies list (the first is the Godfather trilogy). This score is the theme of my childhood. It captures the grandeur and majesty and wonder and curiosity of all things new. I often hear it in my head when inspiration strikes or when something momentous occurs. It is, in my mind, the best score ever composed for a movie. Yes, even better than the haunting trombone opening to Godfather or the terror-inducing bum-bum, bum-bum, bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum of Jaws.

Music moves us in ways nothing else can. Which pieces move you?

 

 

This post is being published as part of Writing 101. Challenge 3: Using the free writing technique, describe three pieces of music important to you; publish the result without editing. No editing has been done; photos and links were added later.

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