16 Life Lessons from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
To Camelot!

Friday’s inclement weather put a damper on my running plans. Normally I enjoy running in the rain, but when thunder and lightning are involved – or when the Weather Channel warns of high winds with the possibility of hail and tornadoes – I stay inside. My all-time favorite rainy day movie is Monty Python and the Holy Grail. On today’s run, I pondered the life lessons contained in that classic work of comedic gold.

16. Approach unfamiliar animals with caution.

I worked in an animal shelter for six years; I know the benefits of warning people about strange dogs and cats. Trust me, rabies shots hurt less as a preventative than as a cure. However, many of us fail to impart the dangers of biting moose and rabbits with vicious streaks a mile wide. But mommy, they look so cuddly…

15. Don’t judge a book by its cover.

We all know what they say about assume, so let’s not judge people (and things) quickly. We may miss out on some surprising experiences. After all, llamas prove excellent producers/directors, a hamster and a man smelling of elderberries produced King Arthur, and Tim – a man severely hindered by his name – achieved greatness as an enchanter.  So go out and try something new, like iced coffee mixed with Dr. Pepper.

14. Choose your occupation wisely.

As an educator, I often challenge my students to meet their full potential. Parents want their children to succeed. The American government emphasizes good grades and “My Citizens are Honor Students” bumper stickers. Whatever the case, society measures success by our jobs.  If you value safety and boredom (but not job security), then write subtitles. After all, English majors have to do something. On the other hand, historians live in constant peril. Not something you’d normally associate with dusty books and lecture halls, but that’s life for you.

13. Make do with what you have.

During the Great Depression there was a saying: “Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” We see the same attitude today; if you don’t believe me, just check out Pinterest. Without Monty Python and the Holy Grail, we might never know coconuts are an acceptable substitute for horses, that some people use the plague as an excuse to get rid of unwanted relatives, and that the French use body odor as a defensive weapon. And all this time we thought they were just unhygienic . . .

12. Government doesn’t always make sense.

Historically, leaders gain power through one of three ways: they’re born to the right family, they take power by force, or they’re elected. Once they have power, leaders spend most of their time trying to keep it. Leaders can either distract their subjects by declaring wars on other countries or by causing their subject to fight amongst themselves over trivial things like speed limits and healthcare. Wherever you happen to fall on the political spectrum, I think we can agree that “strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government.”

But it might be better than the Electoral College...
But it might be better than the Electoral College…

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You know you are an Ultra Runner when… ?

Many of these can apply to marathons as well. Therefore, I can relate to most of the list. Can you?

talkultra's avatarIAN CORLESS

I asked the question on Facebook and I got an incredible response. In actual fact, the answers keep coming in, so, I will try to add and update on a regular basis.

But here goes… ‘You know you are an Ultra Runner when… ?’

Look at some of the names who have posted too. A few Talk Ultra interviewees crop up.

iancorless.comP1020714

Holly Rush you consider running to your friend’s house for lunch and she lives 30 miles away…

Carl Wibberley A marathon is a training run.

Ben Wittenberg You sell your road bike to buy a Fenix gps.

Wayne Sylvester 26.2 sounds like an aid station.

George Knights you can count your toenails on one hand.

Chris Beaven You’re diagnosed with atrial fibrillation…

Ceri Careful Roberts When you’ve vomited all…

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The Why and The Wherefore: My Running Experience

IMG_0432June 5 was National Running Day. This post was intended to be published then, but for some reason it sat in the draft folder untouched and unnoticed as June 5 came and went. But, as they say, better late than never.

I suppose it all began in the 9th grade, the first year we boys were eligible for the varsity basketball team. Now, I’d been “playing” basketball since the fourth grade, but I use the term very loosely. I wasn’t very good at any aspect of the game, I was really just an extra body needed to give the real players a breather once in a while. Anyway, tryouts came, and in the end, it came down to me and my best friend. I lost. At first, I figured he was chosen since his dad worked at the school where we held practices and games. However, Coach took me aside and explained that it had come down to one deciding factor: stamina. I simply couldn’t keep up with the other players. I vowed that day to show them all what I could do.

For the next year, I tried to run at least a mile every day: in the sun, in the rain, in the snow – it didn’t matter. Somewhere in that year, my goal of making the basketball team took second place to the joy I found in running. For the first time I experience the runner’s high. I learned to love the wind in my face and the steady rhythm of my feet hitting the ground. I found comfort in my own thoughts. And when tryouts were held the next year, I could outlast them all; by my senior year, I had turned into a punishment: “You can stop running when Jay does!”

I continued to run in college; taking advantage of “proper” athletic tracks to relieve academic stress and brain fatigue. It was during my freshman year that I participated in my first organized race: the Turkey Run, an annual event held the Saturday before Thanksgiving. My first official time: 31.16. My best time would be during my senior year: 20:15. I began running longer distances, too. I’d run between 8 and 10 miles every other day and about 13 on weekends. I didn’t realize it, but I was already training myself for a half-marathon.

And then, real life got in the way. I graduated and landed a second-shift job in Quality Assurance at Moen. I began remodeling a house – a real fixer upper that had been left empty for at least 15 years. I just didn’t have time to run. No, let me be honest, I didn’t make the time to run.

8 months after graduating college, I got married; two weeks later I lost my job. I was despondent: no-one was hiring someone of my age with my limited experience. For whatever reason, my unemployment never came through. In short, I was depressed; the last thing I wanted to do was run again. After three months, I found some summer work with a general contractor. That fall, I was hired by a local school to teach social studies. Again, I just didn’t make time to run.

December 17, 2010 changed everything. It was the first day of Christmas Vacation, and I was driving across town to pick my wife up from work. An idiot distracted by his cell phone blew a red light and t-boned me in the driver’s side door with his Yukon Denali XL. I was driving a Pontiac Grand Am. Although the EMT’s first words to me were “Why aren’t you dead?” I escaped with relatively minor injuries. Nevertheless, I became extremely depressed. After several months of this, my wife was fed up with it and suggested I do something I enjoyed: get back into running.

So I did. I signed up for a marathon, and 11 months to the day of my accident I finished my first official 26.2 miles at the North Carolina Marathon (High Point, NC) in 06.13.27. I was hooked. Several months later I ran the Cherry Point Half Marathon in 2:05:19. Let me tell you, it felt good to pass a quite a few Marines in the last 2 miles, some of whom were drill sergeants. Last fall I ran the Freedom’s Run Marathon in Shepherdstown, WV in 05:29:38. In my opinion, every marathoner should try to complete this run. It’s an absolutely beautiful course with history everywhere. On November 10, I’ll be running my 3rd marathon: the Outer Banks Marathon in coastal North Carolina. My goal is to finish in 04:30:00 or less, but any time under 05:00:00 will do.

To be honest, my training has been slack. As the heat of summer approaches here in Eastern NC, it’s important to avoid heat exhaustion. Right now I can do around 10 miles no problem and push through to 15, but I really want to keep a 10 minute mile pace (or better) for the duration.

Some people don’t understand why I run. They don’t see the point in running long distances. All that effort – for what? There really isn’t a personal, tangible benefit to running a marathon. I’ll finish hours after the winner and most spectators will be gone; even the volunteers will most likely be winding down. It could be to benefit organizations such as Big Brother/Big Sister, the Wounded Warrior Project, or the Civil War Preservation Trust. However, I don’t put in long hours on the trail thinking about “the cause”. Neither do I run purely for my health: I’m strengthening my heart and lungs at the cost of my knees.

So why do I run? I run to relieve stress. I run to be alone with my thoughts. I run to once again enjoy the wind in my face and the rhythm of my feet as they hit the ground. I run for the same reason others have sailed oceans, climbed mountains, crossed deserts, and ascended into space: I run because the road is there.

34 Countries from the End of a Pier

Trent River in New Bern, NCThis week I attempted to travel around the world. No, I’m not trying to be some kind of modern-day Phileas Fogg, breaking a new record for circumnavigating the globe. Instead, I’m working on a project.

As some of you know, I teach middle and high school social studies. Last year, my Geography class was decidedly lackluster. This year, though, I have a plan: every two weeks, I’m going to create a travel montage highlighting a particular country. I want to include posters, brochures, postcards, a clock with the local time, and – of course – sample the national cuisine.

Of course, the obvious solution would be to employ the vast knowledge of Wikidpedia and Google Image Search, but I want things to be more real. Therefore, I set about contacting the embassies of 34 countries from around the world. The list was entirely arbitrary; I sat down and made a list of the countries that I would want to learn more about. Here’s the list:

Europe

Germany, United Kingdom, Czech Republic, Portugal, Greece, Romania, Italy, France, Ireland, Norway, Spain

Asia

Turkey, Israel, Saudi Arabia, India, China, Japan, Indonesia, Thailand, Philippines

Africa

Cote D’Ivoire, Morocco, Egypt, South Africa, Zaire (D.R. Congo), Madagascar

South America

Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Peru

Central/North America

Panama, Costa Rica, Mexico, Canada

Believe it or not, I heard back quite quickly from several embassies. Norway wins the prize for promptness, though, with a response time of 5 minutes. Garrison Keillor would be proud. So far, several countries have promised to send me supplies: Germany, France, Norway, and South Africa. I am on a waiting list for Peru. I was disappointed to learn that several countries do not send out information, including Italy, Japan, Cote D’Ivorie, and Costa Rica. I have not received a response from any of the other countries.

Now, I would appreciate your help. I know from the site stats that I have visitors from around the world. If you live outside the US – or know someone who lives outside the US  –  and are willing to help me out by sending me some local brochures, posters, magazines, newspapers, or anything of the sort, please let me know. It doesn’t have to be a country from the list, any country would do.

I could hope beyond hope that this would get picked up by Freshly Pressed, but somehow I don’t think this article meets those standards. So, if you can help, let me know. If you can’t help personally, repost, reblog, or share my plea; you can help make Geography class a more interesting place to be!

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Thank you for your response. ✨

The Doctor is Out: Matt Smith and the 11th Doctor

Call Box Text Pull to Open Tardis

On December 25, 2009, I said goodbye to my first Doctor. I’d been hooked for nearly a year, having first seen the episode “Tooth and Claw” on the SyFy network. I’d since made up for lost time, quickly tracking down the previous seasons in time to watch Series 4 in real time. And so, on that Christmas Day  4 years ago, I watched in horrified silence as Doctor No. 11 defeated the Master and stopped the Time Lords from escaping time lock, only to be undone by his (in my opinion) most heartwarming companion, Wilf. However, nothing could have prepared me for what followed. I’d seen the Regeneration of No. 10 (Eccleston) into No. 11 (Tennant) and had been just fine. But when the well-dressed and debonair Tennant regenerated into nerdy-looking Smith, I was heartbroken. Alons-y was out and Geronimo was in. Wonderfully long coats were out of fashion, replaced by conservative sport coats and suspenders. I was mortified.

DoctorsCompared

So, Matt Smith fans, I know what you’re going through; I was there. But please, please, please, don’t make the same mistake I did. Distraught with losing the Tenth Doctor, I watched Season 5 as if Tennant was still the Doctor and Russel T. Davies was still head writer. Everything that I disagreed with I chalked up as “mistakes” due to changes in the cast and staff.  In retrospect, things weren’t really that bad. They were different, yes, but I shouldn’t have let that ruin the season for me. Indeed, upon re-watching Series 5, I see that Steven Moffat had a unique style I hadn’t noticed before.

cracks in the universe
Cracks. Cracks are Scary.

Now that Smith has announced he’s leaving the show, I can finally admit that he’s grown on me. Looking back, I think that in some ways Smith was better for Dr. Who than Tennant. Now don’t get me wrong, I still think Tennant is the superior actor, but there are some things Smith was able to accomplish that Tennant couldn’t.

First and foremost, Matt Smith’s doctor became popular in America. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but it did. Through the Tennant years, I had to buy my Whophernalia offline, namely amazon.co.uk. Now the entire series is in stock at Target or Wal-Mart, Hot Topic sells t-shirts and buttons galore, and Suncoast always has something random like a TARDIS cookie jar or Weeping Angel standee. Barnes and Noble and even Books-a-Million have Who tables selling books, puzzles, bookmarks, and games. And somehow, all this was done without turning Who into an American show; remember the failed attempt to bring Torchwood stateside? It makes me want to shout Fantastic!

Save the Daleks
Trade them in
for Valuable Prizes!

Second, Doctor 11 introduced us Americans to a whole new culinary experience. We learned the joys of British-style custard and, yes, even tried it with fish fingers. Really, it’s not as bad as you’d think. Then there are the Jammie Dodgers, which are simply wonderful (and sold in the International section of my local grocer).  If you haven’t tried either of these things, you should. Just don’t try them at the same time, your stomach can handle only so many new things at a time. Trust me on this.

Everyone's Jammie Dodgers Original
Eat These. Now.

Third, bow ties became popular. I’ve always liked bow ties, but others haven’t always appreciated them. They’ve been considered apparel for nerds, dorks, or old men. Admittedly, I fall into one of these three categories. Nevertheless, thanks to a 30 year old actor playing a 900+ year old alien, I can wear one in public without fear. In fact, I received several bow ties as gifts from my students this year, and several boys wore bow ties to the Spring Banquet because “bow ties are cool.” Matt Smith, I can’t thank you – and your costume designer – enough.

yellow blue bow tie
Bow Ties Are Cool

Therefore, I look forward to this Christmas with anticipation. Not because Smith is leaving – although at one point that would have been the case – but because I’m excited to see what the next Doctor will bring to Who. Maybe the next Doctor will introduce Americans to Spotted Dick or – one can only hope – make fezzes cool.

Geronimo!

Coming Unplugged: Music and Running

iPod shuffle 2nd generationI was talking to some running friends the other day when one of them brought up the subject of music. I hadn’t realized how divided the running community is over music; nearly every runner I know goes out with an mp3 player and upbeat playlist. Nevertheless, one friend’s adamant opinion that music absolutely ruins the running experience provided excellent fodder for rumination.

Right at the start, I’ll admit to favoring music; I run more with it than without it. Nevertheless, running purists make several valid points.

First, music creates risk. How often do we become “lost in the music” and fail to heed our surroundings? Distraction can be both dangerous and deadly; every runner knows this. Most pro-music runners would say “That can’t happen to me!”, but like the cautious new driver that turns into the reckless “experienced” driver, humans rely on routine. We grow familiar with our route and the world it inhabits and become complacent. Distraction and complacency are anathemas to safety; this is a special concern at intersections: drivers aren’t always looking for runners (or cyclists for that matter), and no runner wants a detour through the emergency room.

Second, music distracts from thinking. My blog is centered around my running thoughts, so this argument may have more credence with me than with others. As a society, we’ve become so used to being connected – and distracted – that we simply can’t spend time with ourselves. When running is an escape, why insist on running with the flavor-of-the-week teeny-bopper? When running is supposed to relieve stress, why bring the caustic talk radio host? I’ve heard the claims that music helps people think, but it is more accurate to say that music directs our thoughts. Do we really want the Top 40 or another political talking head to dictate what we think about? Running should be refreshing a relaxing; Justin Bieber and Rush Limbaugh are neither.

Finally, music can negate the camaraderie of running. Personally, I find this argument the least defensible since it assumes most runners belong to clubs or attend many events throughout the year. Although I am not this type of runner, I understand the sentiment. Meeting new people, learning about other parts of the world, giving and receiving tips and tricks – all of these are a part of the running experience. With earbuds planted firmly in our heads, we tend to ignore others and miss wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime opportunities.

In contrast, there are very few arguments in support of music. One valid argument is that the beats per minute (BPM) of a song can help improve one’s pace. I’ve tested this theory over the last several months by running to music with 152 BPM, and my personal pace has improved roughly 13%. I don’t know how scientific the argument is; I imagine that, like most running aids, it depends on the individual.

Personally, I think most pro-music runners’ opinions are based on preference rather than any perceived benefit. In addition to being uncomfortable with our own company, we (as a society in general) don’t like to be told what we can’t do. People everywhere, and Americans in particular, value their rights, and I think pro-music runners view their headphones as a personal freedom. Such runners see any attack on their music as an attack on them. There are even some extremists who will skip an event – even one already paid for – if headphones aren’t permitted. In my opinion, this kind of reasoning shows misplaced priorities. We don’t go to the movies to hear the soundtrack, so why treat running any different? Sometimes life is best enjoyed in the raw.

So how can the two factions get along? Well, there are a few things we can do:

  • Remember there are times when it simply isn’t smart to run with an mp3 player, such as when visibility is low or when running unfamiliar terrain. Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Speaking of which . . .
  • There are also times when you shouldn’t run with music, particularly when it’s prohibited. If you’ve entered such an event, then train without the iPod. Trust me, doing so will make race day easier.
  • Be excellent to one another. Coexist. Get along.  Purists, we’re all out there for the same reason, so don’t get bent out of shape when others don’t share your opinion. Music lovers, if you’re running with friends but absolutely need your tunes, try running with one earbud in – and remember to keep the volume low. You’ll still get your beat, but you’ll also enjoy running with a companion, and not everyone has that opportunity. Share the road.

So, what will I do now? Unplug more – not totally – and get back to running for running’s sake. What you do is up to you.

Until next time, get out there and enjoy the run!

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