Dear Daylight Saving Time,
I must ask you to please cease and desist your fraudulent claims.
This past Sunday – November 3, 2013 – at 2:00 AM, you claimed to “give” me an extra hour of sleep. This sir, was a lie. Like the government, you cannot give back what you do not first take away. Let the record show that on Sunday, March 10, you “took” an hour of my time. Your claims of giving me an extra hour of sleep are akin to the Internal Revenue Service allowing me a “tax break” whereby I can keep money that is already mine by right.
Second, you claim to grant me an hour of daylight. Again, this is a lie. There are still twenty-four hours in a day; therefore, it is impossible to arbitrarily assign an extra hour of daylight. The laws of nature are not subject to the laws of America’s Congress. Instead, you have robbed Peter to pay Paul. You have taken an hour of my evening – an hour previously spent running – and moved it to a time most inconvenient – my morning. I honestly do not need daytime to come any earlier. I can see just fine as I go to work – that’s why automobiles come equipped with headlights. Your early-morning rays are a public nuisance that should be outlawed. Additionally, you have stolen time from me in that I can no longer run. The public parks in my area open at 8:00; at this time, I have already been at work for an hour. The parks close at dusk, which now comes at 5:30. Since I cannot arrive at the park any earlier than 4:00, I only have an hour and a half to run. You have stolen both my joy and my exercise; I demand recompense.
I would like to know sir, why you persist in inconveniencing me twice a year. It cannot be for the farmers; every farmer I know has never paid attention to daylight, work is done whether the sun is up or not. I find it ironic that not only is America unique in yielding to your extortion, but also that Arizona does not follow your scheme. Do you recall the man instrumental in denying you entry? If I recall correctly, it was Senator Barry Goldwater. It is a sad state of affairs when a man best remembered for threatening to defoliate the jungles of Southeast Asia via atomic weapons had enough sense not to be suckered into your Madoff-like promise of extra time.
In short, sir, we the American people are tired of your biannual antics. The party is over and you’ve overstayed your welcome. Please go back to wherever it is you came from, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
An Annoyed American
I realize that Daylight Saving Time allows us longer evenings and that it is Standard Time which we are currently in. However, what I really desire is consistency. I could manage the darker evenings if it were that way all year long. But please, don’t offer me Godiva for the last 8 months and then expect me to be satisfied with Reese’s for the next 4. Let’s just choose something and stick with it.
Posted as part of NaBloPoMo 2013