Depending on where you are in the world, today is either Guy Fawkes Day or Bonfire Night. It may also be Guy Fawkes Night or just plain November 5. Whatever.
Back in 1605, a group of English Catholics, upset by the policies of Protestant King James I (the same James that authorized the King James Bible), attempted to assassinate both James and certain members of Parliament. Known as the Gunpowder Plot, the scheme was planned by Robert Catesby, who convinced a group of like-minded individuals that their best course of action involved blowing up the House of Lords during the opening of Parliament on November 5. Ultimately, the group hoped to place James’ daughter Elizabeth on the throne and groom her as a Catholic queen. His fellow would-be assassins included Thomas Bates, Sir Everard Digby, John Grant, Robert Keyes, Thomas Percy, Ambrose Rookwood, Francis Tresham, Thomas and Robert Wintour, John and Christopher Wright, and Guy Fawkes. Having fought in the Spanish Netherlands, Fawkes dealt with explosives.
We’re going need powder. Lots and lots of powder.
Despite their efforts – or perhaps because of them – the plot was discovered on or about October 26, with an anonymous letter sent to Parliament. Fawkes was found in the basement of the House of Lords along with 36 barrels of gunpowder, enough to totally obliterate the House and everyone in it. Eventually, 8 of the conspirators were captured and sentenced to death by being drawn, hung, and quartered.
Not a pleasant way to go. Photo source: WikiMedia Commons
Today, the Gunpowder Plot is remembered by Guy Fawkes Day or Bonfire Night. In popular culture, the Guy Fawkes mask has appeared in the movie V for Vendetta and has been appropriated by the hacker group Anonymous and certain members of the Occupy Wall Street Movement.
Reform or Regicide? I’m so confused . . .
Additionally, the Gunpowder Plot was commemorated in verse, a version of which I present to you for your enjoyment:
The Fifth of November (English folk verse c. 1870)
Remember, remember!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
Guy Fawkes and his companions
Did the scheme contrive,
To blow the King and Parliament
All up alive.
Threescore barrels, laid below,
To prove old England’s overthrow.
But, by God’s providence, him they catch,
With a dark lantern, lighting a match!
A stick and a stake
For King James’s sake!
If you won’t give me one,
I’ll take two,
The better for me,
And the worse for you.
A rope, a rope, to hang the Pope,
A penn’orth of cheese to choke him,
A pint of beer to wash it down,
And a jolly good fire to burn him.
Holloa, boys! holloa, boys! make the bells ring!
Holloa, boys! holloa boys! God save the King!
Hip, hip, hooor-r-r-ray!
I must ask you to please cease and desist your fraudulent claims.
This past Sunday – November 3, 2013 – at 2:00 AM, you claimed to “give” me an extra hour of sleep. This sir, was a lie. Like the government, you cannot give back what you do not first take away. Let the record show that on Sunday, March 10, you “took” an hour of my time. Your claims of giving me an extra hour of sleep are akin to the Internal Revenue Service allowing me a “tax break” whereby I can keep money that is already mine by right.
Second, you claim to grant me an hour of daylight. Again, this is a lie. There are still twenty-four hours in a day; therefore, it is impossible to arbitrarily assign an extra hour of daylight. The laws of nature are not subject to the laws of America’s Congress. Instead, you have robbed Peter to pay Paul. You have taken an hour of my evening – an hour previously spent running – and moved it to a time most inconvenient – my morning. I honestly do not need daytime to come any earlier. I can see just fine as I go to work – that’s why automobiles come equipped with headlights. Your early-morning rays are a public nuisance that should be outlawed. Additionally, you have stolen time from me in that I can no longer run. The public parks in my area open at 8:00; at this time, I have already been at work for an hour. The parks close at dusk, which now comes at 5:30. Since I cannot arrive at the park any earlier than 4:00, I only have an hour and a half to run. You have stolen both my joy and my exercise; I demand recompense.
I would like to know sir, why you persist in inconveniencing me twice a year. It cannot be for the farmers; every farmer I know has never paid attention to daylight, work is done whether the sun is up or not. I find it ironic that not only is America unique in yielding to your extortion, but also that Arizona does not follow your scheme. Do you recall the man instrumental in denying you entry? If I recall correctly, it was Senator Barry Goldwater. It is a sad state of affairs when a man best remembered for threatening to defoliate the jungles of Southeast Asia via atomic weapons had enough sense not to be suckered into your Madoff-like promise of extra time.
In short, sir, we the American people are tired of your biannual antics. The party is over and you’ve overstayed your welcome. Please go back to wherever it is you came from, and don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
Sincerely,
An Annoyed American
Addendum
I realize that Daylight Saving Time allows us longer evenings and that it is Standard Time which we are currently in. However, what I really desire is consistency. I could manage the darker evenings if it were that way all year long. But please, don’t offer me Godiva for the last 8 months and then expect me to be satisfied with Reese’s for the next 4. Let’s just choose something and stick with it.
This year I had wanted to participate in NaNoWriMo, but with 45 minutes left in Day One and only 10 words down, I don’t think this is going to work out. Instead, I will participate in NaBloPoMo, which may – or may not – be easier. This year the blog, next year the novel. We’ll see.
Running In My Head 