Destination: Caffeination

For thousands of years philosophers have asked, “What is the best way to live?” when they should have been asking “What is the best way to achieve maximum caffeination?”

I love coffee.

I adore coffee.

I live on coffee.

I consider coffee my favorite coworker.

I gave up on blood and had a coffee transfusion.

 Yes, I’m addicted. At least it’s an acceptable addiction.

My somewhat-theoretical steps to achieve caffeinated nirvana:

1. Begin brewing Death Wish Coffee
2. Shower using this body product (or similar):

   

3. Wear clothing washed in caffeine-infused detergent. I’m certain I’m not the only one to have this idea, yet cannot find a product marketed as such
4. Consume Death Wish Coffee
5. Protect lips and other areas where chafing may occur with caffeine infused lip balm.
6. Take additional caffeine products as necessary, like coffee-infused chocolate.
7. DO NOT OVER CAFFEINATE!

I’ve been there. Headaches, dizziness, impaired judgment, and bloody noses.

On the plus side, that day was the first time I met my wife, so may be it wasn’t all bad.