Alas, Poor Yorkie

Behold, fair citizen, the distressing headline of our age:

After a Deal, British Chocolates Won’t Cross the Pond

I ask: what treachery is this?

This bold act brings to mind a similar case of some years ago.

Perhaps you’ve heard of the Townshend Acts?

No?

Your education has been sadly neglected.

You must have heard of the Boston Tea Party, then?

ACR Boston Tea Party
Or – at the very least – played Assassin’s Creed: Revelations?

Let the known facts be made clear:

An American company making substandard chocolate experienced a few bad quarters.

Hershey Sign
Probably because they keep making bad pips.

OK, so chocolate humor isn’t my thing. I make no apologies.

Do they improve the product?

No! They eliminate the competition.

Strike that.

They eliminate the competition.

They convince the American government to eliminate the competition.

Monopoly Board Close Up
This seemed appropriate for reasons I just can’t put my finger on . . .

No more British chocolate!

Say no to disgustingly higher-quality ingredients!

Berate the atrociously short shelf-life!

Ignore the tremendously superior flavor!

‘Murica!

Oh, but we’re protecting Hershey, an iconic American business!

I imagine they said the same about the East India Company.

East India Co
They, too, were “too big to fail,” and look what that got them . . .

Imagine the savings – you won’t be paying nearly as much!

Hmm . . . you think the colonists didn’t think of that?

The inhabitants . . . who but a few months ago were in ease and affluence, have now, no other alternative than to stay and starve, or turn and beg. Endangered by the fire of their friends if they continue within the city, and plundered by the soldiery if they leave it. In their present condition they are prisoners without the hope of redemption, and in general attack for their relief, they would be exposed to the fury of both armies.

~ Thomas Paine, Common Sense (1776)

Huh . . . seems they valued liberty over artificial savings.

Imagine that!

Does it really matter where your chocolate comes from as long as you get it?

Yes. Yes it does.

I am sick and tired of a government hell-bent on declaring what I can and cannot spend my money on.

You must by health insurance, even if you can’t afford it. If you don’t, we’ll fine you.

You may not buy British chocolate, even if you want to. Because we said so!

John Locke Dont Tell Me What I Cant DoWhy, hello there!

John Locke, meet John Locke:

John Locke
The end of law is not to abolish or restrain, but to preserve and enlarge freedom.

Where does the madness end?

What other countries will fall foul of America’s predilection for cheap, low-quality merchandise?

Look out, China!

You know what, I don’t even particularly care for British chocolate.

You know what I like:

KInderschokoladeBut I’m not too naive to see the writing on the wall:

First Britain, then Germany.

Today: chocolate

Tomorrow: cookies

Deutscher Lebkuchen
Not the lebkuchen . . .

It is time for the fair citizens of this land to rise up against the gastronomic tyranny being imposed upon us!

That is, if we can get off the couch to begin with . . .

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Alas, Poor Yorkie

  1. You can have your Kinder, I want my Cadbury!
    And the irony to all of this is that we are native sons of the state that produces the aforementioned (substandard) American chocolate!

    Like

Comments are closed.

Powered by WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: