Monday Morning Grievance: Pluto v Planet 9

It’s Monday and I haven’t had my coffee.

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This past week the science community was all abuzz with the news: there could quite possibly maybe be a new ninth planet in our solar system; or, as Caltech put it:

Researchers Find Evidence of a Real Ninth Planet

[Emphasis Mine]

Poor Pluto. First relegated to dwarf-planet status, now he’s not even a real planet. It’s like those sports leagues where every team wins and everyone gets a trophy.

Time magazine cut right to the chase:

Michael Brown doesn’t care how much you love Pluto. He loves it too, but that didn’t stop him from leading the charge in 2006 to strip it of its “planet” designation and bust it down to a mere dwarf planet. But now, the Caltech astronomer is making amends in a big way: along with Caltech planetary scientist Konstantin Batygin, he has just released a paper announcing the highly likely discovery of a new planet to replace Pluto—and no one’s ever going to be able to demote this one.

Even Ira Flatow joined in the celebrations on Science Friday.

There’s just one teensy-weensy problem:

Giving us a new planet isn’t going to make up for Pluto!

We liked Pluto. Sure, people confused him for Plato and Play-Doh and Pluto, Mickey Mouse’s dog friend. But to us he was God of the Underworld and Ninth Planet from the Sun. Michael Brown and Neil deGrasse Tyson took him from us, and now they want to make amends by giving us something else entirely?!

It’s promising a Bugatti and giving a Yugo.

It’s cooking a steak but serving chicken nuggets.

It’s buying War and Peace but preferring Twilight.

You cannot buy our love with another planet!

Pluto: Revolve in Peace

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