So, Here’s a Thing that Happened

Because you all want to hear about my non-existent dating history, how I met Krystal, and that I’ve somehow found the Fountain of Youth.

^ This is Krystal ^

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I’ve never been good at picking up on subtle flirtations.

Then again, I’ve never had much to pick up on. I had two childhood crushes, which went the way 99.9% of those relationships go.

In college I went on one date with a girl and we both knew it was going nowhere, then had another lead me on, and it ended badly – as in, I consumed approximately 1/3 a lethal dose of caffeine (maybe) in under 2 hours.

Yeah, I chugged coffee as a coping mechanism. Weird.

Anyway, Krystal (my wife) is actually the only real, in-a-relationship girlfriend I’ve ever had, and I met her in a college-wide IT forum before we ever met in real life. True fact.

So, last night I went out for some tea at a drive-thru since we were running low at home and I didn’t have several hours to make and cool another batch. [I promise, I eat better than my grocery list would have you believe.] I pull up to the window, and as the girl is running my card she asks,

So, what you up to later on?

Excuse me, what?

Well, I think you’re pretty cute. I get off around 9 and think we should hang out. It’d be fun.

[Here, let me take my card back with my left hand]

Oh wait, you’re married?! How old are you?

I’m thirty going on thirty-one and I’ve been married 7 years.

[jaw drops, revealing not one but two tongue studs]

No way! I though you were like 18!

Um . . . okay? Have a good night?

Awkward . . .