It’s Monday and I haven’t had my coffee.

Limp bacon is disgusting, hardly worthy of even being called bacon. I’d even prefer the pseudo-bacon of “Canadian Bacon” over a piece of flabby, flaccidly limp bacon. Bacon is meant to be fried, along with eggs, chicken, green tomatoes, potatoes, and Twinkies. None of these should be soggy post-fry; indeed, they should be nice and crispy – and bacon is no exception. When bacon is not crisp and crunchy, one has the culinary experience of chewing on a piece of warm fat. Maybe that’s your thing, and that’s OK – but don’t you ever dare call that monstrosity bacon. Such things will never be bacon and I question your sanity if you find eating unadulterated fat appealing. Look, I know fat is a necessary ingredient, but when’s the last time you ate a spoonful of lard just because you wanted to? If you have done that recently – first, don’t answer the question and second, gross. Anyway, bacon makes almost everything taste better, but limp bacon destroys lives. So get out our pan, invest in a bacon press, and fry it good. Remember:

Friends Don’t Let Friends Eat Limp Bacon

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